


Forming Family

by On_Every_Spectrum



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Asexual Natasha Romanov, Aromantic Author, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Natasha Romanov, Asexual Character, Asexual Darcy Lewis, Asexual Natasha Romanov, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Autism, Autistic Character, Autistic Natasha Romanoff, Awesome Darcy Lewis, Ballet, Banter, Best Friends, Books, Clint Barton Cooks, Coming Out, Cooking, Crushes, Cuddling, Darcy Lewis-centric, Demigirl, Demigirl Character, Demigirl Darcy Lewis, Disabled Author, Disabled Character, F/F, Family, Femme, Femme Clint Barton, Femme Darcy Lewis, Femme Natasha Romanoff, Femme character, First Dates, Food, Found Family, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Phil Coulson, Insecure Clint Barton, Insecure Darcy Lewis, Insecure Phil Coulson, Jewish Character, Jewish Darcy Lewis, Jewish Phil Coulson, Judaism, LGBTQ Themes, Love, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Nonbinary, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Darcy Lewis, POV Darcy Lewis, POV Queer Character, Pan Character, Panromantic, Panromantic Darcy Lewis, Pansexual, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Clint Barton, Platonic Cuddling, Queer Character, Queer Clint Barton, Queer Darcy Lewis, Queer Families, Queer Family, Queer Natasha Romanoff, Queer Phil Coulson, Queer Themes, Queer author, Queerplatonic Relationships, Shabbat | Sabbath | Sabt, Star Trek - Freeform, Teasing, Therapy, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Clint Barton, Trans Darcy Lewis, Trans Friendship, Trans Male Character, Wedding, asexual author, autistic author, binders, binding, chosen family, gay author, gender euphoria, nonbinary author, panromantic character, queer, shabbat dinner, squish, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29890887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/On_Every_Spectrum/pseuds/On_Every_Spectrum
Summary: "It really was a family affair. Her family. Darcy looked around the table at the small group. The odd assortment of individuals who had somehow become some of the closest people in the world to her. She thought her bubbe would have approved."
Relationships: Clint Barton & Darcy Lewis, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Darcy Lewis/Natasha Romanov, Phil Coulson & Darcy Lewis
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Forming Family

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I am not Jewish and may well have gotten things wrong. I will happily accept and incorporate any feedback folks choose to give. And, regardless, please treat what I say with a grain of salt and read Jewish authors.
> 
> I am queer as heck and these characters queer experiences are informed by my own queerness and the wonderful queer family that I surround myself with.

"Natasha is not that frightening." Darcy rolled her eyes. "I don't get why all the junior agents are scared of her. She's always nice to me."

"That's 'cause she only likes femmes." Clint observed with a laugh.

And, Darcy did her best to hide the moment she needed to process his response. She hadn't ever actually been called femme before. She kind of liked it.

"Then why does she keep you around?" She challenged, meeting Clint's eyes.

He held her gaze. "Don't let the muscles fool you, baby. I'm femme as hell."

That time, Darcy didn't try to hide her reaction.

She still wasn't really out. At least not anywhere but the internet. And, even then, she wasn't really confident that pan girls could call themselves femme.

Or demigirls for that matter. Not that she really felt entirely comfortable claiming that one either.

She didn't know how exactly to react to Clint proudly declaring himself femme. He definitely didn't miss her surprise. He didn't judge her for it either though.

He mostly just sort of adopted her.

He was an interesting guy. And, Darcy was continuously a bit bemused why he kept her around. Not that she wasn't incredible, but also... 

Clint just kept showing up with food. And, sending her links to Tumblr posts. And, sometimes got his boyfriend to bring her food, which was weird. But, also kind of sweet.

He also just hung out. Showed up wherever she was working and stayed there pestering everyone for the next hour or so. Or invited himself over to watch Star Trek and eat curry. It felt like they were becoming friends and that was nice. She hadn't ever had a lot of in-person friends.

Through Clint, she got to know Natasha more. Sometimes the three of them would hang out. But, even outside of that, Natasha became a presence in her life.

Natasha left her books. Didn't give her directly. Just, you know, left them places she'd find them. 'Cause that was totally normal. The books usually had little notes in the margins, neatly written on sticky notes and carefully placed. Darcy wasn't really certain if she was meant to keep them, but she didn't know quite how to give them back, so for now they were just forming an ever growing stack in her living room.

Natasha also showed up randomly and taught her things that it was probably best not to know. Not that Darcy was about to let that stop her. Things like how to take a watch off someone without them noticing or how to pick any kind of lock.

It was different. Both of them. Natasha and Clint weren't like anyone else Darcy had ever known. And, she adored each of them.

* * *

Clint was the first person she said she was pan too. She was kind of ashamed by how long it took to get the words out. Even after she'd decided she was going to.

She didn't know why it was so scary. Clint was queer too for G-d's sake. He wasn't exactly going to be all homophobic about it. Yet, maybe she did know what made it scary after all. Even if it was hard to admit. That wasn't the problem. Her biggest fear was that he wouldn't see her as queer enough. But, she didn't think that was likely either.

When she finally did tell him, he smiled wide. "Good for you, baby." He replied happily, pulling her into a hug. "You know, pan folks are the best." He smirked. And, she hadn't been one hundred percent certain that Clint was pan previously, but that expression definitely confirmed it.

"Thank you for telling me." Clint spoke quietly, later that evening. An arm swung loosely around her, both of them comfortably sprawled out on Clint's mammoth couch. "It's not easy. I know that."

She met his eyes. And, she knew that he meant it. That he got it on some level. Loud and proud and confident as he was now.

"I trust you." Was her only response. She was almost surprised at how easily it came. Trust had never been easy for her. But, she trusted Clint. It was nice.

* * *

"You like her." The words were sing-song, complete with wagging eyebrows. Darcy looked up from her book, one of many Natasha had left for her, and considered whether to feign confusion or to deny.

Ultimately, she decided to be honest. "Yeah. I do." She admitted, closing the book. No use in denying it. Darcy had always been bold. Well, mostly always.

"You should tell her."

"What? No." Darcy reacted immediately. "Why?"

"Natasha values honesty." Clint shrugged. "And, little good comes from hiding things." And, how was he so chill about this? Excuse me. This was not a chill matter.

"Yeah, but..." Darcy trailed off, dropping her head in her hand. "It's Natasha."

"Thought you weren't scared of her?" Clint teased, eyes sparkling. But, still with that soft smile. She knew he loved her.

"I'm not." She agreed. "No really I'm not." In response to Clint's smirk. "But, seriously, she's Natasha. She's incredible. And, gorgeous. And, so sure of herself. And..." Darcy was just, well, her.

Clint sat down next to her, open hand between them for Darcy to take. She squeezed it, already feeling better. Clint really was a great friend.

"Hey. You like her. You've got to take off the rose colored glasses though, baby girl. Nat's not perfect. Not any more than you are. You're both good people. And, she cares about you. I know she'd rather know how you feel than not."

"Ugh. It's scary though." She whined, leaning into Clint and burying her head in his shoulder.

He laughed kindly and circled an arm more tightly around her. "I know, baby girl. I know." He kissed the top of her head. "You have time. And, it's okay for it to be scary."

She nuzzled further into him, appreciating the contact. She and Clint were both super cuddly. It was great. "I don't know how to tell her?"

"Can't help you there, baby. It took me six years to ask out Phil and I was bleeding out when I finally did. Don't really remember it."

"Seriously?" Darcy pulled away and lifted her head just so Clint could get the full impact of her raised eyebrows. When Clint's expression didn't change, showing that he was indeed being serious, she dropped her head down again. "Wow. I don't ever want your job."

"We don't want you either, baby girl." Clint chuckled, earning himself a playful shove. "Hey, hey, thought you didn't want to have to fight folks?" He protested. 

"Nah, I don't want anyone to fight me." She argued back. "Doesn't mean I can't push you." And, she gave him another light knock. Which this time he artfully blocked. 

"So, six years?" Darcy confirmed at the end of the evening, three episodes of Star Trek and lots more playful teasing later. Clint shrugged. "Yep. Six years."

"Well, if that's the record I have to beat..." She smiled. But, honestly, it felt nice. She'd made a decision. She was going to tell Natasha she liked her. Maybe not anytime soon, but sometime in the next six years at least.

* * *

She got to know Natasha via Clint, but the two couldn't be more different.

Where Clint was loud, Natasha was quiet. Where Natasha was meticulously organized, Clint was one of the messiest people she knew. The two were polar opposites in so many ways, but obviously best friends too.

Natasha was quiet. She kept to herself except with the people she loved best. Darcy was lucky to know her through Clint. It meant she got to see Natasha's sass, her lightheartedness. The way she teased and interacted with Clint. 

Otherwise, Natasha was an observer. She could sit and knit in one of the SHIELD common rooms for hours, just watching. Quiet and unobtrusive. Yet, her presence was clearly known.

Only the junior agents were properly scared of her. Everyone else had been around long enough to know she wasn't a boogie man waiting to get them. But, everyone treated her with a certain steady respect, and the awareness that she absolutely could kill any of them if she ever deemed it necessary.

Darcy didn't like to think about that. Hated it when Clint and Natasha were gone for weeks at a time, completely incommunicado. And, she knew that they were out there somewhere getting shot at or tortured or G-d knew what else.

Hated even more knowing that they killed people. That Clint's same strong arms that she loved having wrapped around her were used to shoot people. That Natasha was as deadly as she was kind. She didn't know how to process that

She talked to Jane some. Didn't actually say who she had a crush on. Didn't know whether Jane figured it out anyways. Darcy had never actually told her she was queer, but Jane was perceptive like that. 

Regardless, it didn't help much. "I don't know." Jane had shrugged, twisting her long hair between her fingers thoughtfully. "Thor's a god. Literally. A 'warrior of old.' He slays creatures I've never even heard of. It doesn't always even feel real..." She trailed off.

"I work with science. Thor's magic." She smiled in that soft way she did when she thought about Thor. It was sickeningly sweet. "I love him. I don't try to understand him though. We're from different worlds. Quite literally." She chuckled lightly. "We don't try to change that, we just let our love be a bridge."

And, didn't that sound like a line from a book? A really sappy ridiculous romance at that. Yet, she knew Jane meant it. She was head over heels in love. And, Thor was too, the great lunk. They had their happily ever after.

Still, Darcy wasn't living in a fairytale. Natasha wasn't a god. She was an assassin. And, Darcy was still struggling with how to process that. How to reconcile it with the woman she knew.

She asked Clint next. Probably should have done that first. He was quickly becoming her go to for advice. A fact that always seemed to slightly amuse him. She didn't know why. He gave great advice.

"Oh, baby girl." He looked at her with that odd expression he used sometimes. The one she thought of as 'aren't you sweet and innocent.' Fair enough. "It's..." He trailed off, looking thoughtful and tired and sad all at once.

"Don't ever kill anyone, baby girl. Not unless you absolutely have to. Don't..." He paused. "Leave whatever killing is necessary to those of us whose hands are already stained." Which wasn't exactly reassuring, though she definitely didn't ever have plans to kill anyone herself.

"What makes it necessary?" She forced herself to ask, mentally reviewing her history without consciously intending to. "I don't know, baby girl. It shouldn't be. It shouldn't ever be." He sighed, reached for her hand and squeezed tight when she gave it to him.

"The goal is always to lessen the death. To lessen suffering. To kill only when it prevents those being killed from harming even more people." Darcy's mind kept running through all the history her bubbe had ever made her learn.

Clint didn't say anything more. She sat with him, holding his hand tightly for the rest of the evening. Feeling the hard calluses that marked where he held his bow. The warmth of his skin against hers. 

"Thank you." She said, standing finally, bending down and planting a soft kiss on his cheek before she went home. She couldn't really sleep that night.

Eventually, months later, she asked Natasha directly. How she lived with the killing. How... Natasha looked at her, gaze steady and kind, kept her eyes on Darcy's for a long time. Darcy forced herself to stay still, not to glance away or duck her head.

Natasha had gorgeous eyes, deep and beautiful. Darcy was so scared that if Natasha looked long enough she'd see all of her uncertainty and love and complex feelings. 

"It's what I was raised for." Natasha answered finally, looking down at her own hands. "It's all I've ever known." Darcy shuddered at the way she said that. At the stillness in her voice. It was a matter of fact. Nothing more.

"Now all I can try to do is even the score." And, if Darcy thought that Clint's words weren't reassuring, Natasha's were even worse. She'd never really thought about that. How hurt her friends had been. All the ways that they'd been harmed since they were children.

Natasha had left her a book on childhood trauma once. Darcy didn't know why. That night she read all of it. The next morning she called a therapist. One of the ones in SHIELD's extensive network. 

She loved Clint. She loved Natasha. She wouldn't ever understand what they had lived through. What they did now. She did know that they were important to her though. She needed to process her own feelings, and therapy seemed like the best place to start.

* * *

"Why am I here again?" Clint asked, mixing the noodles in with the other ingredients. An ingredients list Darcy had put together after reading about ten recipes and watching at least six YouTube videos to try to get close to what she remembered. G-d she missed her bubbe. 

"Because you're the only person I know who can cook." She replied, knowing that he wasn't really annoyed. Just confused. Clint was far too frequently confused when she invited him over. Never really confident why anyone would choose to spend time with him.

"Phil can cook." He retorted. "Mostly. And, he's actually Jewish." She smiled. "Unlike you who just bakes challah and lights Shabbat candles every week with him. And, don't tell me you didn't help put together that Seder last year." She nudged Clint companionably. "You're more observant than I am."

She pretended that wasn't hard to live with. She was proud of who she was. Truly. And, she had always liked tradition. It was just hard, without her bubbe. It had always just been the two of them.

She'd attended some Hillel events in college, but it was never the same. And, since then... Now she had people she loved like family around her again. She hoped to start to build back some tradition.

Clint grinned. "You know full well that none of that makes me Jewish. Or you any less so." He stated, kindly but with something in his eyes. "I know." She replied more seriously. "But, nobody ever said goyim couldn't make noodle kugel." She continued, tone lighter. 

"And, more importantly." Darcy nudged him again, hands still greasy from prepping the baking dish. "I want you here." She smiled. "Shabbat cooking ought to be a family affair." Clint swallowed, taking a moment. "Thank you, baby girl." He said eventually. "You know, I'm lucky I met you."

"No more than I'm lucky I met you." She said back, meaning every word of it. "I love you." "Love you too, baby girl." Clint smiled. "Now, hand me that bowl. I'm hungry." Darcy chided in response. Taking the bowl from him and transferring its contents into a casserole dish.

It was a nice evening. Phil and Clint had had her over for Shabbat dinner pretty frequently over the past few months. Ever since Phil learned she was Jewish. And, then proceeded to scold Clint for not telling him sooner.

She'd forgotten how much she'd missed it, and resolved to host everyone herself. And, to do it right. Make her bubbe proud. Clint made challah and they worked together on the kugel. Natasha brought the wine. Darcy pulled her bubbe's Shabbat candlesticks out from the china hutch where they'd been lovingly stored. And, Phil brought candles to burn.

It really was a family affair. Her family. Darcy looked around the table at the small group. The odd assortment of individuals who had somehow become some of the closest people in the world to her. She thought her bubbe would have approved.

* * *

"Too few femmes." Natasha observed lightly, eyes bright and sharp.

"You said that about _The Persistent Desire_ as well." Darcy retorted, rolling her eyes. "They're still both valuable."

"They are." Natasha agreed with a small smile. "Why do you think I gave them to you?"

Darcy fought down a blush. There was just something about the way Natasha talked to her.

"Gave them...?" She trailed off, uncertain how to finish her question. She still wasn't certain whether Natasha intended for her to keep all the books. There were so many of them.

"Yes." Her eyes sparkled. "I certainly wasn't leaving them for Clint." She chuckled.

"Hey. I read." Clint protested with a shout from across the room. Feigning put out.

Natasha didn't pay it any mind. "Yes, and you successfully steal my books just fine." She tossed back fondly. "You don't need your own."

Darcy looked down at the book in her hands. Its distinctive bright pink cover, the flamboyant butch on the front. "I do?" She questioned, almost to herself.

"Yes, you do." Natasha agreed, not saying anything more. Darcy knew better than to expect that. 

"They're mine to keep?" She had to confirm, looking over to Natasha.

"They are." She agreed simply, with a smile. "They're yours."

Clint helped Darcy assemble the bookshelf she got. A simple white Ikea piece that she really could have put together herself without any difficulty.

But, Clint liked to be helpful. She'd learned that a long time ago. And, he was good at carrying heavy things.

They shelved the books together. In alphabetical order by author last name. Darcy considered trying to categorize them, but ultimately decided it would be too hard to determine which books fit best where.

Clint wanted to arrange them by color. Darcy knew there was a reason she ignored his advice on how to organize anything.

The books filled three of the seven shelves. Darcy knew the book shelf was optimistic. She was okay with that. She wanted to be an optimist.

* * *

Clint was the first person Darcy told she was pan, but Natasha was the first person she talked about gender with. 

Darcy didn't know why. Clint was the trans one. It would have made sense to talk to him. And, yet, somehow it ended up coming out one evening without her even fully planning it.

She spent weeks building up to it when she came out as pan. Getting stuck on the words more times than she could count before she finally got them out. 

It wasn't like that now. "I'm not sure I am." In response to Natasha calling them both women. Such a simple comment, and yet one she felt the need to clarify as soon as she'd said it.

"I'm also not not." She tried, the words feeling awkward. But, somehow with Natasha that was okay. "I'm a demigirl." She shared after a moment, shrugging slightly.

"Okay." Natasha replied, and that was that. Natasha was always direct and to the point. She could come off as terse to people who hadn't seen her sass, seen the depth of her emotions.

Darcy knew better. She loved the straightforward way Natasha communicated. Treasured the fact that she didn't mask in front of her. Didn't try to come off as allistic.

Natasha was certainly talented at it. Darcy would never stop being thrown by how easily Natasha could seem like a whole different person. It meant a lot that Natasha simply was herself around her.

Natasha never did give any further response to Darcy sharing her gender. But, she also never referred to Darcy as a woman again. That was all she needed.

And, Darcy liked that Natasha was the one she had shared with. Clint would have made sense. And, now that she'd said it once she'd certainly tell him soon.

Tell Clint and Phil, her family. It would be cozy and simple. Nothing more than a bit of gossip over Shabbat dinner. She'd learned it was easy to talk about these things after she'd managed it once. It was just the first time that could be hard.

But, right now, she liked that it was just Natasha who knew. It felt intimate. Something special she had to share. That was nice. Darcy didn't usually feel special.

She was well practiced in projecting a kind of brash confidence. Her 'fuck you, I'm amazing' attitude was well known. And, there was a part of her that believed it. But, not completely. Not all the time.

* * *

"Dubu-jorim with broccoli." Phil announced setting the bento box in front of her. She opened it with immediate delight. Clint was the best cook, honestly.

Phil sat down across from her. Expression completely neutral, but she thought there was a hint of humor in his eyes.

Clint swore the man had actual human expressions. And, Darcy had reached the point she was starting to think that she could sometimes see it. Either that or she was completely deluding herself.

"Thank you." She said belatedly, already digging into the tofu. It was delicious. Spicy and comforting. This was seriously all she needed in life.

"Can I have your boyfriend?" She asked, between bites. Eliciting another one of those almost maybe amused looks from Phil. 

"You'd have to ask him." Was Phil's dry response. "Eh, I'm already stalling on asking one person out." Darcy shrugged with a laugh. She loved Clint, but she really didn't want to date him. He was too much like a big brother.

"Planning on actually doing that at any point?" Phil quirked an eyebrow. She got the impression it was his way of chiding her. "Hey, I still have four years." She protested.

"You know that Clint shouldn't ever be considered a good example to live up to?' Phil observed dryly. "I can't believe you would say such a thing about your own boyfriend." Darcy exclaimed, voice full of feigned shock and admonishment.

She hadn't always been comfortable with Phil. Hadn't always been comfortable with him just showing up with food and hanging out while she ate. But, that was before she got to know him. Before Phil made it a personal mission to adopt the baby Jew. And, before she really understood him.

"Are you denying that it's true?" Phil responsed just as dryly, not giving away a thing. Darcy laughed. "You know, I think I just might be." She continued a bit more seriously. "Clint really is a good role model, at least on the important things. He has been for me." She finished, reflective and completely in earnst now.

"For me too." Phil agreed quietly. And, that surprised her. Since when did Phil Coulson need a role model? He was perfect at like everything. And, yet, she couldn't doubt the sincerity in his tone.

They held the silence for a long moment before Darcy broke it. "Besides, I'm not using Clint as a role model there. I'm gonna beat him." She spoke with resolve.

"Ah, by asking Natasha out in five years and eleven months?" Phil inquired, sounding amused. "Technically I have six years and a month." She retorted. "I asked Clint. He said it took him six years two months and two days."

It was Phil who held the silence then. And, Phil who finally broke it. Darcy had nearly finished her tofu by then. "I don't recommend waiting that long." He spoke in an even serious tone that brought Darcy's full attention to him at once.

"I nearly lost Clint that day." He continued, voice just as level, for all that she knew he had to be breaking up inside. "He was dying." Phil paused, taking a moment to process.

"I nearly lost him before we could even see what we might make together. And, we've both come too close to dying too many times since." And, wasn't that a sobering thought.

"Clint was brave that day. And, it's given us years together." Darcy had never seen Phil this reflective, but she was happy to listen. And, honestly, he had a point. As much as she hated thinking about Natasha and everyone out on missions, she hadn't ever really considered that they might not come back.

Woo. Wouldn't her therapist be delighted to have a whole new road to go down? And, just when Darcy was starting to think they were running out of things to talk about. That fun realization could wait though. 

Asking Natasha out had always been an eventual plan. Something she was committed to, yes. But, not necessarily anything immediate. Now, well, Phil made a good point. Maybe she should find a way to do it sooner. 

"Got any good advice?" She asked with a short bark of laughter. Wanting to didn't mean that Darcy had any better idea how to actually do it. She wasn't really looking for an answer. It didn't feel like the type of question that had a good one.

Yet, Phil considered it seriously, eyebrows drawing together. "Don't make assumptions." He said after a long moment. "It's easier said than done. I know that. But, try."

He paused, hands moving towards one another and fingers steepling together. "It took Clint six years to ask me out." He stated evenly. "I'd already been in love with him for ten." 

And, that was certainly a piece of the story that Darcy hadn't heard before. Ten years? Seriously? "You never asked him out?" Darcy couldn't help but ask. Phil wasn't the type to shy away from things that scared him. He also didn't scare easily.

"I never planned to." He explained simply. "I assumed Clint wouldn't be interested. Assumed there was no point in asking." Gee, Darcy loved her friends, but it was a wonder they managed at all.

"He's absolutely besotted with you." She observed, wondering how Phil could have missed it. "He was married back then." Phil explained. And, seriously, how had her best friend never told her that he used to be married? She would be giving him a solid talking to about that.

"Even after the divorce," Maybe that was part of it? A messy break up? Maybe she should just ask before going into full teasing mode. "I couldn't imagine him being interested in me." Phil continued.

"It's easy to underestimate yourself." And, it was hard to imagine Phil doing that. He was a badass. But, she also knew that he was nothing if not direct and honest when it came to his friends.

"Yeah. I guess I just don't know why Natasha would want to date me?" Darcy said with a shrug. Knowing how self-deprecating she sounded, but not caring enough to pretend otherwise.

"You don't have to." Was not the answer Darcy was expecting. "Whether she wants to date you is her own decision. What you know is that you would like to date her, yes?"

Darcy nodded, cheeks flushed. She really did. Her crush had just gotten stronger the longer she knew Natasha. The better Darcy got to know her. She really was amazing.

"Then you ought to give her the chance to decide if she wants to date you too. It's not a decision you can make for her." Phil spoke matter of factly.

And, actually that made sense. It was easier to think about it in terms of giving Natasha a choice than it was to think about trying to get Natasha to date her, or getting caught up wondering why she ever would.

"Thank you." If you'd told her three years ago that Phil Coulson would be giving her relationship advice, she wouldn't have believed it. But, she was thankful to have it now.

Phil gave pretty good advice. Even if it was still kind of weird when Clint sent him to feed her. "Your boyfriend does know that I have food?" She asked, reassembling the bento box and passing it back to Phil.

"Yes. He simply doesn't trust any of us to make food worthy of being eaten by his family members." Phil said in a dry tone, a hint of fondness in his eyes.

Darcy laughed at that, feeling fond herself. And, still struck every time any of the people she loved called her family. "Well, I'm certainly not complaining." Clint really was a fantastic cook.

* * *

Darcy didn't like to admit how long she spent fretting about how to tell Natasha about her feelings. She had already been resolved to and now she was pretty well committed to doing it as soon as possible, but that still didn't mean she had any kind of actual plan.

She was so scared. Worried about somehow messing up what they had. Hurting their friendship. Making Natasha uncomfortable. The little family she'd formed with Natasha and Clint and Phil was so important to her.

She ended up finding an answer, not a perfect answer, but one she could work with, in one of the books Natasha had given her. And, that in and of itself made it seem incredibly fitting.

She'd read _Girl Sex 101_ cover to cover in one night. Though, it had taken her four days to pick it up period. She liked sex. It was a heck of a lot of fun. But, sex ed had always been so ... uncomfortable. For all that this particular sex ed book may look like a comic it was also the size of a text book and Darcy didn't know how it would make her feel.

In the end she decided to trust that Natasha wouldn't give her a book likely to make her feel ashamed of herself. And, as it turned out, _Girl Sex 101_ might be the size of a text book, but it didn't feel anything like one.

It was funny. And, comfortable. And, genuinely so helpful. Darcy wished that's what her sex ed was like when she was fourteen, but she was still glad to have it now.

The hard conversation formula would be perfect. As soon a she remembered it, Darcy hopped up and grabbed the book off the shelf and flipping through until she found the right page.

"I want to tell you something. I'm worried it'll make you uncomfortable or harm our friendship in some way. What I want is for you to know how I feel and for us to decide what, if anything, we may want to change about our relationship because of that." She practiced in front of her mirror.

She could do this. _I can do this, right?_ She texted to Clint, suddenly feeling a need for reassurance from someone other than herself. _You've got this, baby girl._ He texted back only moments later, without even asking what "this" was. She loved him.

* * *

"I like you." Darcy forced the words out the next time she saw Natasha. No waiting.

Which, hadn't actually been her plan. She had a whole script. She'd even practiced. But, it felt silly to backtrack now, unnecessary. So, Darcy just held the silence.

"I like you too, Darcy." Natasha said carefully, and it was readily apparent from her tone that she didn't mean it quite the same way Darcy did. Natasha was an absolute expert at tone when she wanted to be.

"I'm..." In love didn't feel quite right. Darcy loved Natasha, but no. A crush felt uncomfortably specific, too limited to romantic feelings. Which, yeah, Darcy could totally have if she gave them room to grow. But, really, she just adored Natasha. She wanted to go on dates with her and hold her hand and read books together.

"I like you." She found herself repeating, for all that she'd intended to offer clarification. "You're one of my best friends. And, I love you so much." That was true no matter what their relationship looked like. "I'd like to be your partner, if you wanted that too."

And, Darcy was suddenly filled with so much doubt. All of her assumptions rushing back to her. Why would Natasha possibly want that? Want her? She forced herself to remember that it wasn't about that. That she couldn't decide what Natasha may or may not want. All she could do was be honest about her own feelings.

"Thank you for telling me." Natasha said sweetly, still choosing her words carefully. Darcy kind of hated that. She just wanted to know what Natasha thought. How she was feeling. But, she also couldn't blame her.

"I like you too, Darcy." She repeated, and Darcy didn't bother trying to hold back a chuckle. They were both great at this talking thing. "I'm open to being partners." Natasha paused and Darcy tried not to let her immediate reaction run away with her.

"I haven't had a partner before." Natasha continued. And, Darcy blinked at that. Sure, she hadn't even heard anything about Natasha dating anyone or anything like that, but still. Natasha's eyes were on her, reading her reaction and Darcy shifted, pushing any surprise or judgement away.

It's not that she thought there was anything wrong with it. Just...Natasha was incredible. Darcy couldn't imagine how anyone wouldn't want to date her. She supposed Natasha herself might not have been interested though. That seemed to give new weight to her saying she'd be open to being Darcy's partner and Darcy didn't quite know how to process that.

"I'm aro." Natasha stated plainly, and Darcy hadn't known for sure before that, but she'd still wondered. "And, ace." Natasha added. "Me too." Darcy grinned at her.

"Still love sex, but it's chill if you don't." She laughed. "I have quite an impressive sex toy collection." And, that seemed to be what they needed to break the tension. Natasha smiled fondly, eyes sparkling and they both relaxed a bit.

"I don't know what you'd want. What you'd be open to." Darcy found herself rambling. "I'll still love you even if you don't want to change a thing. I don't want to mess with our friendship. I just...I'm open to something else, whatever that might be. And, I wanted to be open about that."

"I'm glad." Natasha took her hand and gave it a slight squeeze. Darcy reveled in the contact, Natasha wasn't anywhere near as tactile as Clint. "I don't know what I'd want either. But, I think I'd enjoy finding out together."

And, there was something hesitant in that. It felt surprising coming from Natasha; she was normally so confident. But, it was exceedingly sweet. "May I kiss you?" Darcy asked.

Natasha considered for just a moment, lips quirking thoughtfully. "You may." She granted. And, Darcy leaned in and gave her a simple warm kiss that left her blushing rather fiercely.

* * *

They took it slowly. Didn't rush into anything. Figured out exactly what was going to be good for each of them. And, honestly, that in and of itself was so nice. Darcy had never had the chance to throw out all the expectations and build something like this before.

A relationship that was built for just the two of them. Darcy was so used to guys wanting to get into pants, not even caring what she wanted. Or people so caught up in their idea of what a relationship was supposed to be that they didn't even stop to consider whether they wanted it.

She and Natasha talked. Long conversations curled up on her couch. Her feet tucked under Natasha's thighs, giant mug of tea clutched in her hands. Natasha sipping her own coffee with perfect grace.

They decided that "girlfriend" was a word that felt good to both of them. Darcy liked that when Natasha called her a girl it still felt right and naming. It was always perfectly clear that "girl" wasn't all Natasha saw in her.

Natasha called Darcy her datefriend too. Mostly just in front of Clint and Phil. Darcy wasn't out to everyone yet. And, didn't want to navigate the conversations that would bring up. But, with their family, Darcy got to be her datefriend and it filled her with such warm joy.

Gender euphoria really was like nothing else. Plus, she was Natasha's partner and Natasha was hers. That filled her queer heart with so much happiness.

They settled on QPR as the best term for their relationship. When and if they ever needed or wanted to call it something more specific than their relationship anyways. Darcy didn't really feel like anyone was entitled to the specifics of it. And, Natasha was always private with those outside her most intimate sphere.

They didn't have sex. Natasha was distinctly not interested. And, Darcy really was totally fine with that. It was nice having a partner who truly got her lack of sexual attraction. For all that their asexuality showed up differently.

Natasha was firmly sex-repulsed. At least regarding any possibility whatsoever of her being involved with sex. Darcy thought sex was a blast 'cause hey orgasms. But, she was the ultimate expert on how to get herself off, so Natasha's disinterest was really no loss to her.

They cuddled. Legs thrown over one another's, hips and shoulders brushing. They held hands, fingers firmly locked together. They kissed. Sweet chaste kisses that always made Darcy blush.

She'd been surprised, and then touched, to learn that she was the first person Natasha had ever kissed. The first person ever granted that privilege. Sometime Darcy wondered what she ever did to deserve it.

When she did, she tried to remind herself of what Phil had said. She didn't get to decide what Natasha wanted. Natasha was certainly perfectly capable of doing that for herself.

And, for whatever reasons, she wanted Darcy. Darcy resolved to start trying to figure out what those were. Not because of Natasha, but for her own sake. It was probably about time to start actually liking herself and not just act like she did.

Darcy was an expert at acting confident. Far less skilled at actually feeling it. But, hey, new project. Something else for her and her therapist to talk about. Rose would probably be glad to hear Darcy wanted to actually deal with her self esteem stuff.

In the meantime, Darcy tried to trust Natasha's judgement. And, that was mostly doable. Because she trusted Natasha. Trusted her more than most people Darcy had ever known.

* * *

"You're cute. All the outfits are cute." Clint sighed in exasperation. "Phil's gonna think we got kidnapped by aliens if we take much longer than this."

"Haven't you already gotten kidnapped by aliens?" Darcy returned, unbuttoning the seventh or eighth top she'd tried on.

"Only twice." Clint argued. "Besides, I still say that second time didn't really count." He pouted.

"Only you Clint Barton." Darcy remarked with amusement, shaking her head fondly.

"Hey. Just 'cause Thor's buddies aren't the best at communicating doesn't mean I actually got kidnapped." He kept protesting.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't actually care about the semantics of kidnapping. Hang that back up." Darcy stopped him, tossing the shirt at him.

Clint caught it deftly. "Why's hanging stuff my job?"

"'Cause I'm rubbish at it."

"And, why exactly is trying on a dozen outfits necessary?" He pressed.

"C'mon it's only been like ten." Darcy surveyed the options spread out before her. She still had no idea what to wear. "Are you sure I shouldn't wear a dress?" 

"Do you want to wear a dress, baby girl?" Clint looked right at her.

"I like dresses." She avoided the question. Clint just held her gaze. "Okay. Fine. It'd be really nice to wear a suit."

"Great do that then." Clint shrugged, plopping down on her bed.

"Yeah. But, what do I wear with it?" She sighed, collapsing down next to him.

"You actually want some help?" He turned to face her, propping himself up on his elbow.

"Yeah. I just don't know who to ask."

Clint didn't even bother with a response. He just pulled out his phone, tapping buttons rapidly. Phil looked down at them through the small screen a moment later. Darcy nuzzled up against Clint's shoulder so she could see him more easily.

"I take it this means I should hold dinner?" Phil said dryly, surveying the two of them with obvious amusement.

"Yeah. This is probably gonna take a while longer. Wait, what? You're cooking? Phil, baby, we've talked about this."

Phil's lips quirked. "You wound me."

"Poor baby." Clint smiled. "I love you even if you can't cook. Now get over here, baby. We'll order take out."

"And, why exactly am I being ordered over there?" Phil inquired, though Darcy could see he was already gathering his things and getting ready to go.

"Clothes. We need you." Clint spoke brusquely. "Oh, and see if we still have any of my older binders lying about."

He hung up with that, closing the app and immediately flipping to a food delivery app. "Now, what should we order?" He asked her. "Phil will demand food in return for his services.

"Haven't you told me Phil can cook?" Darcy asked with a raised eyebrow, amused. "Mostly." Clint amended. "And, don't tell him that. This is how I show love." Darcy just laughed.

She wouldn't have ever thought to turn to Phil Coulson for fashion advice. Sure, he was sharp dressed, but she didn't think that the man knew more than three colors existed. Not exactly her style.

As it turned out, he was exactly what she needed. He had a great eye for color and actually knew all the rules about how "men's" fashion was supposed to work. Somehow he had pulled together an outfit she felt amazing in within half an hour of arriving.

Plus, binding, definitely a nice option. Darcy liked her chest. She couldn't see herself ever getting top surgery like Clint had. But, as an every now and then possibility, binders were pretty awesome.

"Dapperest femme around." Clint announced giving her a little twirl. She giggled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "What about you?"

"You're both lovely." Phil said, eyes crinkling at the corners. "Now, I believe I was promised take out.

"They ate dinner together on the couch. Clint sprawled out in the middle taking up way more furniture than he had any right to. Phil and Darcy each nestled in snugly on either side, neither of them inclined to complain.

* * *

Darcy was still all nerves before their first date, but the cute outfit did help. Their first date. An actual official date. Not just hanging out together.

Natasha had asked her out. Asked her to the ballet. And, that felt posh and special and so very Natasha and Darcy couldn't wait.

She started getting ready about three hours too early. And, then spent about an hour and a half all dressed pacing back and forth anxiously trying to keep herself from mussing up her make-up.

Clint had just laughed at her when she called him. "I'm on my own date tonight. You'll be fine, baby girl." He reassured briefly before hanging up. Darcy couldn't even begrudge him that. She knew full well that he and Phil didn't get enough time for proper date nights.

And, so she paced, feeling cute in her heels and trousers and well cut suit jacket she'd splurged on but never actually worn before.

Natasha picked her up exactly on time. "You're beautiful, darling." She said with a genuine smile, looking Darcy up and down with soft green eyes.

"You're gorgeous too." Darcy returned. Natasha always was. But, that dress. Damn. Darcy was gay for that dress.

"Shall we?" Natasha offered her arm, and Darcy accepted happily. She'd been so nervous, but the moment Natasha actually arrived she relaxed.

It was just Natasha. Her girlfriend. Still that spark of excitement at the word. But, also her friend. Someone she felt safe with.

Experiencing the ballet with Natasha was even more wonderful than she'd imagined it would be. She found herself having a hard time dragging her eyes off of Natasha's face to actually watch the show.

All her little reactions. The way her lips quirked or her eyes misted. Natasha was so obviously invested. So taken with the performance. It felt so special to share it with her.

"Misty Copeland is one of my favorites ballerinas. I love to see her dance." Natasha spoke quietly after the performance. Darcy on her arm again, pressed tightly against her side as they navigated through the throngs of people leaving the theater.

"Do you still dance?" Darcy asked suddenly. "I'd love to see sometime. If you do." She hastened to add the caveat. She knew that Natasha loved ballet. She also knew that she'd never heard her mention actually dancing.

Natasha turned to look at her, the same thoughtful expression on her face that she'd had before the first time Darcy kissed her. "I think I'd like that."

* * *

Clint and Phil's wedding was a small affair. Darcy snuck a glance at Natasha, holding another one of the chuppah poles across from her. The two of them in matching dresses. Bobbi Morse on her other side, looking handsome in a suit.

And, seriously, how did she not learn that Bobbi of all people was Clint's ex-wife until his bachelor party? Now that she'd verified there was no messy break up involved she was definitely gonna be teasing the hell out of Clint.

She'd let him get through his honeymoon first. Maybe. Natasha would probably make her. Or maybe not. Her girlfriend was always down for a good Clint teasing session.

For now, she refocused on the ceremony. Clint looked beautiful. They both did. Darcy didn't think she'd ever seen so much expression on Phil's face. She glanced at Natasha's again, wished that she were close enough to squeeze hands.

The two of them probably wouldn't ever get married. It felt so ... so not them. Sure, there were some advantages. But, neither of them really wanted it. They were already busy pulling a weave of other legal protections around them.

Shared bank account, a whole formal written statement of their intentions to one another. Probably a shared mortgage soon. There was a gorgeous little one bedroom house on the market that they were eyeing. 

But, she was happy for Clint and Phil. Knew how much they wanted this. Could see plainly how overjoyed they were. Darcy was glad to be a part of it.

The reception was wild. Never let it be said that the Avengers didn't know how to party. And, SHIELD agents were nearly as bad. Phil's poor moms looked almost as overwhelmed as he did.

But, Darcy was perfectly at ease. Tearing up the dance floor. Dancing with Clint long past when Natasha and Phil grew tired of dancing. Hands on him as they moved. 

"I love you." She called over the music, feeling fond and affectionate and so happy. "You and Phil are perfect for each other."

"Yeah." Clint called back, same sappy expression on his face as he'd had all day. He looked over towards Phil with a loving expression. Phil seemed to be engaged in an intent conversation with his mom.

Darcy smiled herself. "I've gotta let him steal you away sometime soon." She remarked with a laugh. "He'll take me when he wants me." Clint returned with a leer.

"You're incorrigible." Darcy chided, knocking his arm with her fist. "Always." Clint agreed readily. "I love you too, baby girl." He shouted a minute later. Taking her off guard for a moment until she remembered expressing her own affection for him earlier.

They didn't say anything else for the rest of the song, just dancing freely and happily. And, later that evening when Phil did indeed steal Clint away, Darcy let Natasha cajole her into coming home too.

Holding her hand and smiling every bit as sappily as Clint had been. She twirled Natasha about, appreciating Natasha indulging her.

"I love you." She spoke quietly a moment later, giving Natasha a small sweet kiss. "I love you too." Natasha echoed, squeezing her hand.

As they left the party together arm in arm, Darcy reflected that she really did have the best family. Yeah. Her bubbe would definitely approve.

**Author's Note:**

> The books that are mentioned in this story are:
> 
> The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader edited by Joan Nestle  
> https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/770655.The_Persistent_Desire
> 
> Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme edited by Ivan E Coyote and Zena Sharman  
> https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9475378-persistence
> 
> Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon and KD Diamond  
> https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24819402-girl-sex-101


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